The IAS Interview

One young man went for an IAS Interview.

"When did India get independence?" He was asked.
"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.

"Who was responsible for our independence?"
"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another." He replied.

"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"
"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.

The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions. When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Sardar would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.

Then it was the turn of this Sardar. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him."By the way, what is your date of birth?"
He replied, "The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."

Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What is your fathers name?"
He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one, it will be injustice to another".

The interviewer was incensed.
"Hey! Are you mad or what?"
He replied. "Some research is going on the subject.I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report."

Himesh Reshamiya's Debut Movie (2007) - Aap Ka Surroor - Trailer

Where is God?

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?”

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The youngest brother gasped for breath and replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time dude. God is missing and they think WE did it!"

(Video) Banned Commercial.

Santa Singh's Interview at Microsoft.

Santa Singh sent his bio data to America to apply for a post in Microsoft. A few days later he got this reply:- Dear Mr. Singh, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks

Santa Singh jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said Bhaiyon aur Behno,aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki mujhay america mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted. Santa singh continued Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa par letter english main hai isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee kartaa jaongaa.

Dear Mr. Singh-----pyare singh sahab

You do not meet----aap to miltay hee naheen ho

our requirement----humko to zaroorat hai

Please do not send any further correspondence----ab letter vetter bhejnay kee zaroorat nahee hai.

No phone call ----phone vone kee bhee zaroorat nahee hai

shall be entertained----bahut khaatir kee jayegi.

Thanks----aapkaa bahut bahut shukriya

Bridge To Success

The Polish were upset because of their bad reputation. A group of them got together and approached a conference of Americans, Germans, and Japanese and asked for help on this matter.

An American replied, "You must do something so the world will respect you. The Japanese are known for their technology and the Germans are known for their resourcefulness. We Americans have had respect since we helped win the World War against the other two. See, you need to do something world-famous."

A German added," Yes, he's right. Why don't you find a place in this world in need of a bridge that no one has dared build, build it, come back to us, and we will help publicize it."

With that, the Polish set off to build their bridge. They designed it and worked 6 months and finally completed it. They then went back to report it to the group. The bridge was a beautiful bridge but it had one flaw: it was erected in the middle of the Sahara Desert.

An American said, "No, no. See, that is why you have your reputation. There is no need for a bridge in the middle of the desert. Now go and dismantle it, and find a more strategic spot to erect it."

The Polish returned to the conference in two weeks.

One of the Japanese said, "Two weeks! It only took you two weeks to dismantle that bridge and build a new one??? That is amazing!!"

To which a Polish man replied, "Well, not exactly. When we returned to the bridge we couldn't dismantle it because there were all these Italians fishing off it."

(Video) Amazing Table Tennis player

Suicide

4 YEARS old drummer

Think twice before helping any girl.

Baby's world - Hard Day

New Generation Hyundai Santa Fe Advt.

Banned European Car Ad

James Bond - Casino Royale - The Full Trailer

The Blonde Secretary

Who Are Your Parents?

Erich Honnecker (the president of East Germany) was invited to Moscow by Gorbachev for a visit. After weeks of preparation by Gorby, Honnecker arrives in Moscow. As part of the celebration activities, there is a big parade through the streets of Moscow.

While the two are watching the parade, Gorbachev takes a small boy aside and asks him, "Who is your mother?"
The child replies, "Mother Russia."
"And who is your father?", asks Gorbachev.
The boy answers, "Why, its you Uncle Gorbachev!".
Finally Gorbachev asks the boy, "and what do you want to be when you grow up?".
The boy proudly replies, "a good communist!".

Erich Honnecker, meanwhile, has been watching this and is very impressed. So impressed, that he decides to invite Gorbachev to [East] Berlin for a visit. Again, after weeks of preparation, Gorbachev's plane lands in Berlin. And again, part of the celebration includes a parade. Remembering what Gorbachev did in Moscow, Honnecker repeats the scene.

He asks a little boy in the crowd, "Who is your mother?"
The child replies "the GDR [German Democratic Republic - East Germany]."
"And who is your father?", asks Honnecker.
"Why, its you Uncle Honnecker!", replies the child.
"And what do you want to be when you grow up?" queries Honnecker.
Without hesitation, the boy replies "an orphan."

Top 10 Sidhuisms

1. The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala...one falls and everything else falls!
2. Wickets are like wives - you never know which way they will turn!
3. Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.
4. Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.
5. The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason.
6. I lean on statistics like a drunken man leans on a lamppost, only for support, not illumination.
7. The Only Thing You Get In Life Without Trying is dandruff.
8. He is like Indian three-wheeler which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!
9. Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.
10. Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taxi meter.

Professor

A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the grad student. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman." Poof! He's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the post-doc. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other." Poof! He's gone.

"You're next," the genie says to the professor.

The professor says, "I want those guys back in the lab after lunch."

Reasons to believe computers are female

No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

Even the smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory.

The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to anyone else.

The message "bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know what is wrong, then I'm not going to tell you."

As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Balance Sheet of Life!!

Our Birth is our Opening Balance!

Our Death is our Closing Balance!
Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities,
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets,
Heart is our Current Asset,
Soul is our Fixed Asset,
Brain is our Fixed Deposit,
Thinking is our Current Account,
Achievements are our Capital,
Character & Morals our Stock-in-Trade,
Friends are our General Reserves,
Values & Behaviour are our Goodwill,
Patience is our Interest Earned,
Love is our Dividend,
Children are our Bonus Issues,
Education is Brands/Patents,
Knowledge is our Investment,
Experience is our Premium Account,
The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately,
The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.

Are you an Internet widow/widower?

Are you an Internet widow?

1) Does he turn the computer on more often than he turns you on?
2) Does he waste money buying computer gadgets instead of buying jewellery for you?
3) When he comes home from work what does he do first - kiss you or check for emails?
4) If the house caught fire would he rescue the computer first?
5) Was your last anniversary card delivered by email?
6) If you want to know where he is do you check his web site?
7) If you ran off with his computer what would he miss most - you or it?
8) Does he keep a photograph of you or his computer on his desk?
9) Does he spend more time running his fingers over the keyboard than over you?
10) Are you the main feature on his web site?
11) Does he take his laptop out more often than he takes you out?

Are you an Internet widower?

1) Does she whisper softly in your ear ‘I love your ISP’?
2) Does she love browsing cookery sites while you microwave diner?
3) Does she refuse to read your love letters unless they’re emailed?
4) Does she spurn you and take the laptop to bed with her?
5) Is her idea of a romantic night out going to an internet cafe?.
6) Is she is a member of eighty-six newsgroups but never talks to you?
7) Does she sneak away at every opportunity to share intimate moments alone with her computer?
8) Does she spend more time in chat rooms talking than with you in the bedroom?
9) Is she too busy surfing to notice when you come home from the office five hours late?

The Smart Blonde

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay, " says the lawyer, "your turn".

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

The blonde says, "Thank you, " and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

How to identify whether a web site was created by a male or female web developer.

You know a web site was created by a male if :-

* The homepage uses 8 inch high fonts - ’cos size does matter.

* It contains links to sex, football, sex, music, sex, pubs and sex.

* It loads quickly and then apologises embarrassingly.

* Initially it seems interesting but rapidly becomes boring.

* Its pages are untidy and disorganised.

* It displays a ‘Site under construction’ message but never changes.

* It includes photos of supermodels whom he claims are girlfriends.


You know a web site was created by a female if :-

* The homepage uses 16 shades of pink and 42 different fonts.

* It contains Links to fashion, poetry, TV soaps and shopping guides.

* It includes photos of family, friends, pets and everyone's babies.

* It has over 500 pages of gossip and scandal.

* It changes eight times a day.

* It takes 2 hours to load.

* Once a month it becomes emotional and irrational.

* It only loads if it’s included in your ‘Favorites’ list.

Microsoft V/S General Motors.

At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates compared the computer industry to the automotive industry by stating: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving cars that cost $25.00 and get 1,00 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bills comment, General Motors issued a press release making the following statement: "If we (GM) had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1) For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice per day.

2) Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3) Your car would occasionally stop on the freeway without reason. In order to get started again, you would have to pull off to the side of the road, close all the windows, switch off the car, restart it and open all the windows again. For some unknown reason, you would simply do this without question.

4) Occasionally, executing a maneuver, such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5) Only one person could use the car at one time unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT", but then you would also have to buy more seats.

6) The new seats you would need, would force everyone to have the same size butt.

7) You would press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

8) The oil warning light, water warning light, and alternator warning light would all be replaced by a single "Unidentified System Error" light.

9) The air bag would ask your freshly mangled body "are you sure" before going off.

10) Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you back in until you simultaneously lifted the driver side door handle, turned the key, and grabbed the radio antenna.

11) The radio antenna would be internally mounted on the passenger side of the car.

12) Buying a new car would force you to also purchase a new set of road maps, despite the fact that you neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause your car's performance to diminish by 50% or more.

13) Every time GM introduced a new car, people would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the old controls would function in the new car.

14) Macintosh would make a car that was five times faster, ten times more reliable and easier to maintain, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads."

Good morning ... after effects

You’re hooked on the net if...

* You have so many Email addresses you often get lost.

* Your website contains more pages than the complete works of Shakespeare.

* You secretly pray for your computer.

* You happily send replies to every junk email you receive.

* You have hundreds of internet friends but no real friends in the real world.

* The only way your family get to see you is through your Webcams.

* You remember all your internet addresses and passwords but forget your children’s names.

* You put your email address on forms where it asks for your home address.

* You have given your computer a cute name.

* You let your partner believe you’re having an affair so that you stay out late secretly surfing.

* You have lost more than three jobs ’cos you spend work time surfing.

* You’re reading this webpage

Nokia E62 Smart Phone launched in India.

Nokia has announced the launch of its E62 smart phone in India. The E62 has built-in memory as large as 90MB, offers advanced voice functions, including conference calling with up to 6 callers. It supports multiple email solutions such as Intellisync Wireless Email, GoodLink, Seven Always-On Mail, Blackberry Connect, and ConstantSync Mail for Exchange.

The smart phone features a full messaging keyboard, plus a number of connectivity options like Bluetooth, Infrared, USB data cable, and the Nokia PC Suite. With the large Active Matrix Display of up to 16 million colors, the E62 offers a superior Web experience. The Quickoffice viewer helps access easily imported business attachments received through email, including document presentations and spreadsheets.

The phone supports Adobe Reader and WinZip Manager, as also multiple audio formats like MP3, MPEG4 (ACC), RealAudio, and MIDI. Besides, the E62 comes with quad-band support for GSM/ GPRS/ EDGE 850/ 900/1800/1900.

E62 boasts enhanced security features including: Remote Device Lock and device wipe; SSL 3.0/TSL 1.0; OMA DRM Forward-lock; as well as 3rd party add-ons like PointSec Data Protection and Symantec Firewall.

The Nokia E62 smart phone is priced at MRP of Rs. 19129/- . Best buy price - Rs. 16749/- at Nokia stores.

Extracts From Insurance Claim Forms

* "I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

* "On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."

* "I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

* "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

* "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

* "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way."

* "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

* "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

* "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

* "I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

Hillary Clinton vs. God.

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first.

"Al, what do you believe in?"

Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."

God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?"

Bill replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."

God thinks for a second and says "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."

God then address Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?"

"I believe you're in my chair."

Cyber Geek Glossary.

Baud Rate : the rate your heart beat reaches as you impatiently wait for a web page to load.

Netgroup : a bunch of old bores endlessly discussing the weather.

Browser : a program which searches for the information you want but instead gives you a selection of pornography, advertisements and trivia.

Cookies : Files secretly planted on your P.C. as part of a computer master plan to take over the world.

Email : see junk mail.

Favorites : A massive list of long forgotten sites which once seemed crucially important.

Download : A technical term meaning theft and plagiarism.

Homepage : A glitzy, snazzy, brilliantly animated entrance to a completely dull, boring and pointless web site.

Local Area Network : The World Wide Web on a bad day.

Link : a connection which takes you from a useless site to a totally useless site.

Modem : a device which ties up your phone line for twenty four hours every day.

Snailmail : The use of trained molluscs to deliver letters.

Search Engine: A program which finds every web site except the one you lovingly created.

Servers : Powerful computers which conspire to keep you off the internet.

Surf : The act of moving around the Web using links until you’ve completely forgotten what you were looking for in the first place.

Web : A global collection of obsolete, inaccurate, worthless information.

The Greatest Lies in the World.

* The cheque's in the mail.
* I'm from the government and I'm here to help you.
* I thought I already gave you that money I owed you.
* I promise I'll pay you back next Friday.
* I've never been this drunk before.
* I'll never get this drunk again.
* I've checked this Email out, and it's really not a hoax.
* Now we're even.
* I'm fine.
* We found and fixed the last bug!
* The software will ship on schedule.
* It was as simple as that.
* It's all your fault!
* I love you
* You don't need to use a condom; I'm on the Pill.
* I don't need to use a condom; I've had a vasectomy and tested negative for STDs.
* A representative of the government says...
* We'll have the repairs on your car done by noon.
* Operator, my calling card number is...
* You look like you haven't aged a day.
* No, I don't think that outfit makes you look fat.
* This is what it will cost to repair your car.
* If elected, I promise...
* You're going to love working here.
* I don't know what you're talking about.
* Nine out of ten people surveyed said...
* Please hold, and a customer service representative will be with you shortly.
* I'll only take a minute of your time.
* Our cellular phones will give you more freedom...
* 100% compatible with your existing equipment.
* !!Make Money Fast!!
* Lose all the weight you want!
* I'm being totally unbiased.
* I promise I'll pull out in time.
* With all due respect...
* For your convenience...
* In order to serve you better...
* I'm planning to get a divorce so I can marry you.
* I'll call you.
* I never meant to mislead you.
* My wife (husband) is okay with me seeing other people; s/he just doesn't want to know about it.
* I'm not leaving you for him/her; I just need some space to think things through.
* This will only hurt a little.
* This will hurt me more than it does you.
* I'm doing this for your own good.
* It's only for a little while...
* I didn't mean any harm.
* Oh well, no harm done...
* It was an accident.
* I didn't do it.
* I don't know who did it.
* Free Adult XXX Web Site!!!
* No obligation!
* You may already be a winner!
* This product was made in an environmentally friendly manner.
* I know it's none of my business...
* I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but...
* This should be easy.
* To speak to a representative, press "9".
* It's nothing personal.
* This isn't partisan politics; it's for the good of the country.
* I'm not addicted; I can quit smoking any time I want.
* New and Improved!
* Trust me.
* That was special.

A Soviet Man of Letters.

Stalin is dying, and summons Comrade Khruschev to his bedside. Wheezing his last few words with difficulty, Stalin tells Khruschev, "Comrade, the reins of the country are now in your hands. But before I go, I want to give you some advice."

"Yes, yes, Great Leader, what is it?" says Khruschev.

Reaching under his pillow, Stalin produces two envelopes marked 1 and 2. "Take these letters," he tells Khruschev. "Keep them safely--don't open them. Only if the country is in turmoil and things start going badly, open the first one. That'll give you some advice on what to do. And, even after that, if things start going REALLY badly, open the second one." And with a gasp Stalin breathed his last.

Well, Khruschev succeeded him, and sure enough, within a few years things started going badly--unemployment increased, crops failed, people became restless. Nikita decided it was time to open the first letter. All it said was: "Blame everything on me!" So Khruschev launched a massive deStalinization campaign, and blamed Josef for all the excesses and purges and ills of the present system, and bought himself some time that way.

But things continued on the downslide--Kennedy successfully rebuffed Soviet missiles in Cuba, unemployment increased even more, crops failed even more, the Politburo was unhappy with Khruschev's leadership and upstarts like Brezhnev and Gromyko were threatening his credibility. So finally, after much deliberation, Nikita opened the second letter.

All it said was: "Write two letters."

Borrowing The Car.

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective drives them back to the parking lot to see if any evidence can be found at the scene of the crime. To their amazement, the car has been returned.

There is an envelope on the windshield with a note of apology and two tickets to a music concert. The note reads, "I apologize for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby and I had to hot-wire your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here are two tickets for tonight's concert of Garth Brooks, the country-and-western music star."

Their faith in humanity restored, the couple attend the concert and return home late. They find their house has been robbed. Valuable goods have been taken from thoughout the house, from basement to attic. And, there is a note on the door reading, "Well, you still have your car. I have to put my newly born kid through college somehow, don't I?"

Santa Banta bid for the Channel Tunnel.

When tenders were floated for the Channel Tunnel to connect England & France, many international construction companies vied with one another to get the contract. The stakes were very high; the job of digging and building expertise. Tenders were opened by the Board of Directors of the Anglo-French corporation which had taken on the project. British builders' estimates were over 200 million dollars; French & German builders were marginally lower.

There was one from India: Singh & Singh Builders whose estimate was only 5 million dollars. The Board was for ignoring the Indian tender but out of curiosity invited Singh & Singh over to discuss the plans. Banta Singh & Santa Singh of Singh & Singh Builders appeared before the Board.

The Chairman asked them "Have you any experience of undertaking this kind of work?"

"Indeed we have," replied the two Singhs, "we bored a lot of tubewells in the Punjab & Haryana. We can bore holes anywhere."

"This is not as simple. How will you connect the tunnel from the English side to the French?"

"Simple," replied Santa Singh, "Banta Singh will dig from the French end & I from the English."

The Chairman was flabbergasted. "You don't realise that it will need a lot of accurate calculation to get the two tunnels to meet at the same point under the channel. Other companies' estimates are over 200 million dollars each & you think you can do the same job for 5 million dollars. How will that be possible?"

"What is bothering you?" demanded Singh & Singh, "if our two tunnels don't meet, instead of one we will give you two tunnels."

Suite Revenge.

Phone won't stop ringing? Here's what you do...

Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it.

The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola. From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number. Naturally, the management refused claiming that it could not change its stationery.

The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands.

At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leoloa said, "No problem. How many nights?"

A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit. "No, that won't be necessary," Leola said. "We trust you."

The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked an electric appliance manufacturers' convention for Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World War II.

She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she could watch the O.J. Simpson trial, but her biggest challenge came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter's wedding in June.

Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care of it. The mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up.

Once again Leola was helpful. "There's no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend that the client tips the drivers."

Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster area. People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet Sixteen parties and were all told there were no such events.

Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an executive from Marriott said, "We're prepared to offer you $200,000 for the motel."

Leola replied. "We'll take it, but only if you change the telephone number."

The Job Application.

Two young engineers applied for a single position at a computer company. They both had the same qualifications. In order to determine which individual to hire, the applicants were asked to take a test by the department manager. Upon completion of the test, both men had each missed only one of the questions.

The manager went to the first applicant and said, ''Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to the other applicant.''

"And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct," asked the rejected applicant.
"We have based our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed," said the department manager.

"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" the rejected applicant inquired.

''Simple,'' said the department manager, ''Your fellow applicant put down on question #5, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.'''

Halloween party.

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain, and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a good time. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to!"

You Think.

A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune-tellers tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down.

"Ah....." said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children."

"That's what you think", said the man scornfully. I'm the father of THREE children."

The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOU think!"

The Proposal.

There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.

One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?" After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered. "Yes, Yes, I will."

The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory.

With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?" He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart."

Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."

Mad Cow

One day two cows were chatting over the fence between their two fields. The first cow said, "I'm telling you, this mad cow disease is getting pretty scary! I've heard it's spreading so fast that it's already on Farmer Bill's land just down the road!"

The second cow replied, "So what? It doesn't affect us chickens!"

How To Be Annoying.

Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green and insist to others that you "like it that way".
Drum on every available surface.
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Ask 800 operators for dates.
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
Set alarms for random times.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
Wear your pants backwards.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-cyrillic-landscape mode.
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
only type in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Pay for your dinner with pennies.
Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
When Christmas carolling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
Ask people what gender they are.
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Wear a LOT of cologne.
Ask to "interface" with someone.
Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
Sing along at the opera.
Mow your lawn with scissors.
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know.

Reasons to believe computers are male.

They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

A better model is right around the corner.

They look attractive -- until you take them home.

Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.

In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

If You Get Caught Sleeping at Your Desk.

1. They told me at the blood bank this might happen.

2. This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.

3. Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper.

4. I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!

5. This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!

6. I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.

7. Actually I'm doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP). I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.

8. I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress.

9. Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.

10. The coffee machine is broken.

11. Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot.

12. Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!

13. Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!

14. I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands.

15. Amen.

A CARROT, AN EGG, AND SOME COFFEE BEANS.

A daughter complained to her father about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.

Her father, a chef, took her to the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In one he placed carrots, in the second he placed eggs, and the last he placed ground coffee beans. He let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

The daughter sucked her teeth and impatiently waited, wondering what he was doing. In about twenty minutes he and turned off the burners. He fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them a bowl. Then he ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her he asked. "Darling, what do you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. He brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. He then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, he asked her to sip the coffee. She smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. She humbly asked. "What does it mean Father?"

He explained that each of them had faced the same adversity, boiling water, but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. But after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water. "Which are you," he asked his daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean? "