The Atheist and the Bear.

An Atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

As he continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out: "Oh my God!"

Time stopped.

The Bear froze.

The Forest was silent.

It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying:"You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The Atheist looked directly into the light:"It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps, could you make the BEAR a Christian?"

"Very well," said the voice. The light went out, and the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the Bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly Thankful, Amen.

Women In Charge.

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines.

The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man. God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only, one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

Signs That You Were Impacted By The 90's.

1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You now think of three espressos as "getting wasted."
3. You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
4. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
5. You call your son's beeper to let him know it's time to eat. He e-mails you back from his bedroom, "What's for dinner?"
6. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
7. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken with your next door neighbor yet this year.
8. You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your e-mail buddies via a web page.
9. Your daughter just bought a CD of all the records your College roommate used to play.
10. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if it contains Echinacea.
11. Your grandmother clogs up your e-mail inbox asking you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.
12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.
13. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date and now sells for half the price you paid.
14. The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you.
15. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.
16. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
17. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.
18. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.
19. Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes.
20. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.
21. You're reading this.

Hierarchy in the Organization.

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels.
Some monkeys are climbing up...some down.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but a$$holes.